Do you feel people avoid you, or are not interested in what you have to say? Do you feel you are not taken seriously, nor respected? Perhaps you need to brush-up on your conversation and communication skills!

Being a good conversationalist means more than having a “gift to gab”. In [...]]]>

Do you feel people avoid you, or are not interested in what you have to say? Do you feel you are not taken seriously, nor respected? Perhaps you need to brush-up on your conversation and communication skills!

Being a good conversationalist means more than having a “gift to gab”. In fact, often it is those who talk effortlessly, are the worst communicators. In order to effectively communicate and converse, one must have social awareness, sensitivity, self-control and discretion.

Through conversation, we have the ability to command an audience or we can turn people off. We can gain respect, or lose it. We can confirm credibility, or damage it.

Learning how to successfully communicate and converse can build and maintain healthy relationships in all areas of life.

Keep in Mind:

• Agree to disagree, agreeable. Realize that anytime two people engage in conversation, there is the potential for disagreement. This is natural and normal. So it’s not “if”, but when. Therefore be prepared to handle the conversation (and yourself) appropriately.
• There is a right way to communicate, and a wrong way to communicate, and both will produce a result. Realize that you do have some control over the outcome of a conversation, based on your words, attitude and actions during the conversation.
• Your conversation should be seasoned with courtesy and consideration. Using polite and gracious words are more receptive by the listener. Whether engaged in general conversation, or confronting an issue, how we deliver the message is more important than the message itself.
• Refrain from accusing, criticizing or blaming. Communicating accusations, blame, and a judgmental attitude is rude, displays bad manners and will not further your conversation progress.
  • Make good eye contact. This shows you are listening and interested. When distracted, excuse yourself from the conversation and attend to the distraction. Always give 100% attention when conversing with others.
  • Listen more than you talk. Is your conversation all about YOU! YOU! YOU? It’s amazing what can learn, just by listening. Take mental notes about things that are being said. This will prove to be valuable and will work in your favor.
  • Ask questions. Questions convey that you care and are interested. Questions can be direct and targeted, yet should never be too personal or candid.
    • Repeat back what you “think” you heard. Sometimes, what we think we hear is not what was meant. By repeating back, we confirm that we’re on the same page. This also communicates we care.
    • Learn to read between the lines. You can learn much by reading between the lines. Often, when someone speaks, they are expressing much more than what is “actually being said”.
    • Learn to read body language. Be perceptive by observing body language. For example, when standing and talking to others, does your audience take several steps back, or when sitting, does your audience lean back? Perhaps you’ve said something offensive or have been too personal.Are there arms crossed, or hands in pockets? This may signal you have not yet won their acceptance.If they seem anxious or in a hurry, instead of engaging in a long untimely conversation, do you respect their time, and save conversation for later date?

• Your body language and facial expression should be supportive when others are speaking. This shows you are actively engaged in what is being said. If you disagree with what’s being said, your body language and facial expression shouldn’t convey it. This allows you to oppose effectively. Additionally, displaying boredom or anxiousness leaves others feeling unappreciated or devalued. This can affect the health of your relationship.
• Do not interrupt or cut others off when talking. This communicates several things; you don’t value what is being said, you don’t care what is being said and what you have to say is more important. This communicates “pride.” Even when you could finish the speaker’s sentence, don’t!  You would be rude in doing so, and sabotage further conversation progress.
• When speaking, be articulate, speak clearly, slowly and adjust your volume. Be sensitive and aware of the listener’s body language, facial expression, and requests. If the listener turns his or her head, leans in towards you, or asks you to repeat yourself, evaluate and adjust your volume, tone and speech.
• Prepare by educating yourself about the person you’re conversing with. Do your homework, and find out about his or her interests, hobbies, business, etc. By doing so, you can converse knowledgably, which ultimately will make for a positive experience, and make you and your conversation memorable. Very important in business!
• Do not be too personal or too casual. Always be respectful and considerate, even when a very casual relationship has developed. The quality of a relationship will mirror the quality you communicate and invest.
• Always finish with a conclusive statement. When ending a conversation, confirm details, whether setting a future date, verifying intentions or confirming goals.
• If you’ve lost your temper is the process of a conversation or debate; Ask the person who you’ve offended to meet with you (in person if possible) Acknowledge your offensive communication, and ask the person you have offended to forgive you.

Are you addicted to texting? Take this test to find out. If you answer  ”yes” to at least 5,  you may want to consider if it’s effecting your credibility.

For children, it signals that soon, for one night, they will transform [...]]]> It’s that time of year again, when beautiful autumn colors begin to resonate, apples and cider fill our markets, hot chocolate and donuts fill our tummies, and houses are festively decorated with corn stalks, scarecrows and pumpkins. These are signs of fall. 

For children, it signals that soon, for one night, they will transform themselves into their favorite superstar or cartoon character. Then, parading from door to door, saying those all familiar words, “Trick or Treat”, with anticipation of what they will receive. Each pumpkin-lit porch is an invitation that something yummy awaits them.  Bowls and buckets filled with candy bars to Smarties and other sweet treats, and treat-givers anxiously awaiting their arrival.

I think as parents and care givers; we should seize every opportunity to teach our children some valuable life lessons. Special events, holidays, and season appropriate occasions such as this, create an atmosphere for children to learn naturally. These are called the “teachable moments” that present themselves in day-to-day life. Using them to teach children important life lessons of manners and social skills will help them grow into considerate and responsible citizens. Thus, just because your child is dressed like a Goblin for Halloween, doesn’t mean he or she needs to have Ghostly manners; yet to use this opportunity by teaching your little Goblin some important life skills that will make them as sweet as the candy they receive. 

For example, instructing children to use sidewalks rather than cutting across someone’s lawn, or to walk through a well cared-for flowerbed, or to squeeze through neatly edged shrubs, demonstrates an attitude of value and respect for another’s property. Nor, should a child ever touch or take anything that doesn’t belong to them, including toys that have been left in the yard.

When approaching a house to find that others have beaten you to the door, be patient and wait your turn, rather than elbowing your way to the front. Yet, when you’re the first in line, and you turn to find a crowd, say, “Excuse me please”, as you pass on by. These are the polite words to use.

This is also the perfect time to have your child practice his or her presentation skills. Encourage your child to look directly into the treat-givers eyes and with a smile on their face, say those magic words, “Trick or Treat”, clearly enough to be heard.

“May I have one, two or even three”? is not for a child to ask. However, to take one, until another is offered, is the courteous thing to do. Then, of course, just as magic as the words trick or treat, are the words “Thank you”, because these express a grateful attitude.

Last, but not least, as your child sneaks a treat, teach them to put the wrappers in their pocket for safe keeping, until they get home.

You see, there’s really “no trick” to teach your kids manners, and a “real treat” when they use them! So, be safe! Have fun! And don’t forget, “Have a happy trick or treat, as you sweetly teach”.

Fear is a common feeling. Then anger can follow. A person’s perspective and [...]]]> Once someone learns they have cancer, often the reality of the news doesn’t truly sink in at first. They hear the words, yet, it may take hours, days or longer before they truly understand and feel the impact of the news.

Fear is a common feeling. Then anger can follow. A person’s perspective and thinking can become clouded, and emotions filled with anxiety.

When you’re the recipient of such news from a family member, friend or co-worker, your response is very important.

When a woman grieves over her loss of health, and potentially other physical features, it is important to be sensitive about what you say and do. A woman can be extra sensitive.

Sometimes people will avoid the person with cancer, because they don’t know what to say or they don’t want to say the wrong thing. However, this is not the time to avoid, but to embrace, quietly and supportively.

The following tips will help as you interact with a family member, friend or co-worker who has breast cancer.

• Do not withdraw

Be there in person. Just sitting quietly, offering your hand or a hug, is very comforting.

• Listen

When you listen, it communicates you value her, that her feelings and thoughts are important, and you care.  It allows her to express her feelings

• Don’t Judge

When a friend tells you how she feels, do not compare, evaluate, or judge her by her response. Allow her the right to her own feelings, even if (presently) she is not correct in her thinking. She is going through an uncharted journey that is personally hers.

Avoid statements like …

• “I know how you feel” (Unless you truly have walked in her shoes).
• “ Don’t worry, God is in control”
• “ Be strong, your family needs you to be strong”
• “ Don’t worry, everything will be just fine”
• “ I once new someone who had breast cancer. Let me tell you about her.”
• “Tell of your own sickness.”

Statements like these don’t comfort. They will only intensify a feeling of despair.

Rather –

• Accept how the person is feeling without correcting her.
• Confirm that her feelings are normal

(This will let your friend know you will not withdraw from her.)

Rather than saying, “Let me know if I can do anything?”

• Be aggressive with your actions. Let her know you will be on this journey with her.
• Call her.
• Mark her doctor appointments on your calendar, and call.
• Offer to go to the doctor with her.
• Offer to watch her kids or help with household tasks.
• Take her a meal, especially after a long day of treatment.
• Send a card of encouragement.
• Take her out for a play day. Nails, pedicure, coffee.

Offer the gift of touch (If she’s comfortable with this.)

• Hold her hand.
• Put your arm around her.
• Offer a hug.

Modern Manners Matter

You canceled the wedding, now what do you do?

Mothers through out history have had a tremendous effect on our nation, due to the children they’ve raised. Significant mothers acknowledged begin with [...]]]> The famous quote, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world”, by William Ross Wallace, is well known for its strong message of a mothers influence.

Mothers through out history have had a tremendous effect on our nation, due to the children they’ve raised. Significant mothers acknowledged begin with Mary, mother of Jesus. Jesus expressed immense love and compassion for her as he told John to care for her, as she knelt at the foot of the cross. Others include the mother of Washington Irving, the famous American writer, who wrote of his mother,” A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and suddenly fall upon us, when adversity takes the place of prosperity, when friends who rejoiced with us in our sunshine desert us when trouble thickens around us, still she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and councils to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts”. Abraham Lincoln’s appreciation and love for his mother, who died when he was just ten years old, was expressed through two well-known quotes, “I regard no man as poor who has a godly mother” and “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angle mother”. Henry Ward Beecher, a U.S. congregational minister wrote, “The mother’s heart is a child’s school room”. These mothers along with many others have instructed, corrected, guided and influenced their sons and daughters to be successful, impacting the world for good.

Whether a mother realizes it or not, she is a life long role model and the first for many things in her child’s life. A mother’s voice is the first her baby hears, her warmth is the first felt and her love is the first experienced.

As a child grows, whether learning how to tie their shoes, recite their ABC, s or say “please and thank you”, a mother is a teacher.

A mother has the ability to direct and guide her children by helping them acknowledge their unique talents and abilities, for she knows them well. She helps them see their strengths, encourages them in their weakness, and equips them with the skills needed to succeed in life.

A mother is a counselor, carefully listening and deciphering what is “truly” being said, and then giving counsel, based on her own life’s experiences and the wisdom gained by them.

A mother must be tough, knowing she is not always going to be Ms. Popular with her rules and guidelines. She knows that it is more important to be a mother, verses a friend; however she hopes to be both.

A mother’s role changes with each season of life, but one thing never changes; she is always needed whether she feels like it or not.

A mother’s job is never done, for even when not aware, she is teaching as she travels her own life’s journey. Whether on a mountaintop or in a valley, whether encountering hardship or victory, she is teaching her children how to respond to what life gives them, to keep on going in adversity, and not give up. She knows her attitude, her words and her actions are contagious, and she strives to be positive for her children.

A mother sometimes feels inadequate, weak and lonely. She fears for her children’s safety, their life changing decisions, and the consequences they hold.

A mother stays awake at night pacing, praying, and putting them in the hands of God. A mother is human.

A mother is always a mother, regardless of her age or the age of her children. A mother’s love and lessons carry on, even when she’s gone.

Why is Mothers Day a day worth celebrating? I think the answer is clear. So hats off to you mom, and we know you wear many, for today we celebrate you.

Happy Mothers Day!