Modern Manners Matter

Are manners out dated or old fashioned? Find out by reading Modern Manners Matter on NBC24.

Modern Manners Matter

Canceled Wedding Etiquette

Wedding season is upon us. For most, it’s a time of celebration; however, for some, the happily ever after turns sour. To find out what to do if your fairytale wedding doesn’t have a storybook ending, read my article in The Toledo Blade. 

You canceled the wedding, now what do you do?

Congratulations Graduate

There is no better feeling than those felt by the graduate. Saying goodbye to halls they’ve walked for years, teachers who’ve challenged them to be their best, and friends they’ve known a lifetime. At the same time, they’re saying hello to a world filled with opportunity, new friends, new experiences, new paths to choose, and an awesome freedom to set goals, reach dreams and make life what they want it to be. Within the next week or two, many seniors will be walking the isle to receive their well-earned diploma. For most graduates, a party will follow so that family and friends can celebrate their accomplishments, congratulate and support them, present them with cards and gifts and inquire about future plans.

With all the time and effort that goes into this event, there are several things families and graduates can do that will ensure a smooth running and memorable celebration for all.

Invitations

  • Invitations should be sent at least six weeks in advance for out of town guests and four weeks for in town guests. Included in the invitation should be directions and a map of the party location. Also, for out of town guest, include a list of hotels with different price ranges. Many hotels offer blocks of rooms at discounted prices. Absolutely no e-mail invites. Very tacky!
  • Many schools have limited seating for guests. This can cause difficulty in deciding whom to invite. Use consideration when making your decision. Most people will understand if you explain there is limited seating. There is only so much one can do.

The Party

  •  Make a checklist of items to purchase and tasks to do. This will help you stay focused, and not forget something important. From renting tables and chairs, party food, or do ahead projects, a checklist is an invaluable resource.
  •  As with most things, there may be a glitch or two. This will not ruin your party unless you allow it to. Learn to be flexible and roll with whatever happens. Use these opportunities to “be creative” in dealing with problems. A graduation party is a significant time to demonstrate this important life lesson. Life is full of surprises, and how one handles them makes all the difference in the world.
  • To help things run smoothly, the host of the party (this is usually the parents) may want to ask a friend or two to help. They can keep food trays and bowls filled, check on ice and drink supply, and help with all the other details of entertaining. This will free the host and guest of honor to visit with their guests.
  • Delegate and designate responsibility before hand. If everyone pitches in, things run much more efficiently.
  • In preparing for the party, be realistic. Yes, chicken fajitas may sound great and out of the ordinary, but is not practical. Plan a menu that much of the food can be prepared ahead of time.

Social Skills

  •  The graduate should make sure that he or she greet and meet each guest, offering a hand-shake or hug if appropriate. Give each guest your 100% attention. With so many guests, people will understand that you cannot carry on a lengthy conversation, but will appreciate the few minutes you spent with them.
  • When speaking to guests, remember to make good eye contact, listen carefully and make appropriate conversation. Thank them for helping you celebrate your special day, and if they brought a card and/or gift, thank them for their thoughtfulness. Try to say good-bye if you see them leaving.
  • Make appropriate introductions. Remember, when introducing a friend to a family member, such as a grandparent or an Uncle, always acknowledge the oldest guest first and give a nugget of information about them. This allows for conversation. “Uncle Chuck, this is my friend Don Smith. We played in band together. Don, this is my Uncle, Mr. Jones. He came all the way from Wisconsin to be here”.
  • When eating, make sure to use your table manners. Although a foreign concept with today’s generation, it is still good manners to take your hat off when sitting at the table. With guests of diverse age, (especially grandparents) this is a mark of good manners and respect.
  •  Just a couple things to be aware and considerate of: It is perfectly normal and acceptable for graduates to gravitate towards their group of friends, however, not at the exclusion of other guests. Also, how you act when it’s just “you and the guys” is different from how you act when it’s you, the guys and other guests. Just keep a balance.

Receiving Cards and Gifts

  •  If a card and/or gift are presented directly to you, you have two choices. In the gift givers presence, you may open it. Many people receive enjoyment by watching you open their card or/and gift. If you decide to do this, be discrete. If the timing isn’t appropriate to open their gift, wait until the right time presents itself, and then take the gift to them, and open it in front of them. You may also choose to have a designated card and gift table. Once your guests have left, you may open them with family members present. However you decide to handle this, it is never good manners to be flashy, showy or complain about a gift. IE “Aunt Julie only gave me 5 bucks. What a cheap skate” or, to go on and on about a necklace one friend gave you, and not mention the earrings another friend gave you. Just be considerate and aware.

After the Party

  • Take a few days to savor the memories and the feeling of your new freedom, but then get to work on those thank you cards. No e-mails allowed for this job. A personal hand-written thank you is required. Included in your thank you note should be: An acknowledgment of your guest’s attendance and if a gift (including money) or card was given. Specifically mention the gift and how you intend to use it.

Dear Grandma and Grandpa,

Thank you for coming to my graduation ceremony and party. I am grateful for your love and support. Thank you for the card and gift of money. It will help me with upcoming college expenses. I also love the picture frame and already know the picture I will use. It’s the one with all of us standing in front of my school, and I’m holding my Diploma.

Thank you once again for your thoughtfulness.

With Love,

Sandy

A Special Word to the Graduate

  •  Be thoughtful and considerate of the work, time and money that your parents, family and friends are investing in you. Offer to help before, (yard work) during, (refilling the bucket with pop and ice) and after the party (taking out the garbage). Yes, although you’re the “Guest of Honor” doesn’t mean that you can’t pitch in. Actually, this is the best reason you should help, because all of this is for you.
  • Express appreciation to your family for all they‘ve done to support you. From attending P.T.A. meetings to numerous football games, much of your success and accomplishments are due to your parent’s support and effort. So thank them with words of appreciation and acknowledgment for all they’ve done through out the years.
  • When walking the stage to receive your Diploma, display good manners and respect for those in authority. Offer a firm handshake and say thank you when given your Diploma.
  • Last, but by far not least, thank and acknowledge your teachers for their hard work. Teachers seldom are thanked for their efforts. For a teacher to know that they have made a difference in a student’s life is a reminder of why they decided to teach in the first place. This is a very needed and welcomed encouragement.

Hats Off to Mom

The famous quote, “The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world”, by William Ross Wallace, is well known for its strong message of a mothers influence.

Mothers through out history have had a tremendous effect on our nation, due to the children they’ve raised. Significant mothers acknowledged begin with Mary, mother of Jesus. Jesus expressed immense love and compassion for her as he told John to care for her, as she knelt at the foot of the cross. Others include the mother of Washington Irving, the famous American writer, who wrote of his mother,” A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and suddenly fall upon us, when adversity takes the place of prosperity, when friends who rejoiced with us in our sunshine desert us when trouble thickens around us, still she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and councils to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts”. Abraham Lincoln’s appreciation and love for his mother, who died when he was just ten years old, was expressed through two well-known quotes, “I regard no man as poor who has a godly mother” and “All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angle mother”. Henry Ward Beecher, a U.S. congregational minister wrote, “The mother’s heart is a child’s school room”. These mothers along with many others have instructed, corrected, guided and influenced their sons and daughters to be successful, impacting the world for good.

Whether a mother realizes it or not, she is a life long role model and the first for many things in her child’s life. A mother’s voice is the first her baby hears, her warmth is the first felt and her love is the first experienced.

As a child grows, whether learning how to tie their shoes, recite their ABC, s or say “please and thank you”, a mother is a teacher.

A mother has the ability to direct and guide her children by helping them acknowledge their unique talents and abilities, for she knows them well. She helps them see their strengths, encourages them in their weakness, and equips them with the skills needed to succeed in life.

A mother is a counselor, carefully listening and deciphering what is “truly” being said, and then giving counsel, based on her own life’s experiences and the wisdom gained by them.

A mother must be tough, knowing she is not always going to be Ms. Popular with her rules and guidelines. She knows that it is more important to be a mother, verses a friend; however she hopes to be both.

A mother’s role changes with each season of life, but one thing never changes; she is always needed whether she feels like it or not.

A mother’s job is never done, for even when not aware, she is teaching as she travels her own life’s journey. Whether on a mountaintop or in a valley, whether encountering hardship or victory, she is teaching her children how to respond to what life gives them, to keep on going in adversity, and not give up. She knows her attitude, her words and her actions are contagious, and she strives to be positive for her children.

A mother sometimes feels inadequate, weak and lonely. She fears for her children’s safety, their life changing decisions, and the consequences they hold.

A mother stays awake at night pacing, praying, and putting them in the hands of God. A mother is human.

A mother is always a mother, regardless of her age or the age of her children. A mother’s love and lessons carry on, even when she’s gone.

Why is Mothers Day a day worth celebrating? I think the answer is clear. So hats off to you mom, and we know you wear many, for today we celebrate you.

Happy Mothers Day!

In the News

Jill Marie has been quoted, profiled, and mentioned in many news articles. Here are links to several of them.

Hospitality Tips

Opening your heart and home to family, friends and business associates is a wonderful way to enrich your relationships and strengthen friendships. Here are a few tips to follow that will make entertaining more enjoyable for both host and guest.

How to Be a Gracious Host

  • Set the mood – create a warm and inviting atmosphere
  • Be prepared – do as much as you can ahead of time
  • Don’t argue just before company arrives
  • When company arrives, welcome them in person
  • Make introductions when necessary
  • Encourage conversation
  • Use good table manners
  • Be aware of company’s needs
  • Don’t spend the whole evening cleaning up while guests are present

How to Be a Grateful Guest

  • When invited, never ask, “What’s for dinner?”
  • Never arrive too early (more than 5 minutes) and call if you’re going to be more than five minutes late.
  • Take your host a hostess gift.
  • Upon arrival, be aware of host’s preference. (Offer to take shoes off if your host is wearing house shoes.)
  • Be a courteous dinner guest by offering to help and using your best table manners.
  • If something isn’t offered, don’t ask for it.
  • If you do not care for a particular food, there is no need to mention it. Just quietly pass it on.
  • When using the restroom, leave it in better condition than you found it
  • Don’t overstay your welcome
  • Send a thank you card within 10 days

Communication Skills for Host and Guest

  • Don’t talk too much or too little
  • Don’t pry or ask personal questions
  • Don’t ask how much something costs
  • When advice is asked, be sensitive and tactful
  • If someone calls on the home phone, ask them to call back at a more convenient time
  • Cell phones should be put on silent. If returning a call, excuse yourself and go to a private room.
  • Never text or check messages in front of host or guests

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